Numerous studies have been conducted on how, if at all, birth order can influence your personality type. While each family is different and presents unique dynamics, a common phenomenon that has emerged is the ‘middle child syndrome.’
On neither extreme of the spectrum, such kids find themselves often and quite literally caught in the middle of their families, and this must be taken into consideration while parenting them.
What Is This Syndrome?
nodefchilok/Unsplash: Three boys goofing around
Firstborns are often raised in a strict environment. First-time parents are anxious, usually raising their first child meticulously by the book. These children typically grow up to be very disciplined and well-behaved.
Many a time, eldest ones are tasked with additional responsibilities—taking on more chores in the house, looking after themselves, and even assisting with looking after their younger siblings. It instills them with a sense of independence and responsibility, and they rely less on their parents for validation or support.
Last-borns are lucky in some ways, having ridden the rodeo at least twice already, parents are usually much more relaxed with them. By then, parents have realized that not every bruised knee or unkempt room is worth the stress and worry. They also have a lot less energy when it comes to discipline. It results in the last-borns being pampered, often becoming the center of attention.
So, where does this leave the middle child? The answer is usually ‘feeling displaced.’ Middle children cannot relate to the freedom and trust,their parents place in the eldest one or the coddling and affection reserved for the youngest. They are left wondering what their place in the family is.
How Does Middle Child Syndrome Manifest?
Middle child feeling left out
When they are young, middle-borns tend to look for ways to draw their parents’ focus away from other kids. This may manifest as rebellious behavior – dyed hair, skipped classes, or unattended chores. It should be read as a cry for attention.
Some middle children look for the responsiveness elsewhere. It explains why many of them tend to have wide social circles outside their families.
A majority of them also learn to be compromising at a young age. They are usually told to follow the orders of their older sibling or be accommodating to the needs of the younger ones—it results in them learning acceptance and being willing to make compromises.
What Can You Do as Parents?
jessicarockowitz/Unsplash: Leading the family together
As parents, it is crucial that you not allow the middle child syndrome to fester in your little one. There are many steps you can take to ensure that they feel loved and attended to.
- Do not punish your middle child for the actions of their other siblings. If your older child has had a history of breaking curfew, for example, this is not valid grounds to be less lenient with your middle child. Allow them to create their own experiences and make their own mistakes.
- Celebrate their achievements. You may have already seen a series of firsts with your oldest—first ‘A’ grade, ride without training wheels, and lost tooth. While this may not be new to you, it is exciting for your middle child and should not be underplayed. Pay attention to their accomplishments, and give them the same support and encouragement.
- It is alright to be different. Do not expect your middle one to emulate their older sibling. Encourage them to find their niche areas of interest, even if it’s unconventional, and support them in these endeavors.
- Avoid hand-me-downs. Yes, they save a lot of money, but they also erase the identity your child builds. If you can afford to, spring for some new clothes and toys that belong solely to your middle child.
All this may be a lot to ask from a parent juggling with the job of handling three children. However, it is crucial that you do not neglect your middle child’s needs, often the most understanding and accommodating of the clan.
